woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
