The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
