drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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