"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
