I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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