Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
