Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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