Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize