Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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