...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Damn victory sex feels great
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
