I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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