How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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