let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
