I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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