So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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