If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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