You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
