And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
