You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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