i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
