Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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