Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Watching her eat just hurts me
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
