I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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