in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
