I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
