Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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