i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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