This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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