All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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