There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
