Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
