closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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