I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
