The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize