I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
