She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
