how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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