Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
