In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
