I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
