bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
