Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
