Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
