I think im going to throw up on grandma
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize