I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
