when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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