just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
