she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
