I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
