dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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