Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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