There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
