Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
