Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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