Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
