got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
