I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
