were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Is this like a preordered booty call?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
