I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
