HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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