how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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