im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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