I'm really into asian looking animals
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
