you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
