Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
